Teresa D'Amario

On 14 February, traditionally it’s a day where men spend money on candy, diamonds, or flowers. It’s the day where Hallmark makes most of it’s money. Card after card. 

Valentine’s Day is historically considered the celebration of St. Valentine, a Catholic Saint who is said to have been martyred on February 14th, yet when you research in detail there is no specific Saint who matches this Valentine or the stories associated with him.  Instead, it appears Valentine’s day is more a merit o advertisers who say “Spend here or there.”  Some men even believe it is a conspiracy of guilt.  They feel they must spend more than their girlfriend’s/wives best friend’s had spent on them.  Others revel in the holiday, ready to jump at the chance to be “romantic”. They spend a small fortune, or they write their poetry or songs in honor of their loved one. 

Women aren’t left out, either.  Many spend hours searching for that special card, or the special gift for their husbands or lovers. 

But Romance is different for men than it is women, or so everyone says.  I wonder if that’s true.  I wonder if  maybe somehow we have allowed businesses to tell us what’s romantic, and what isn’t?  Most writers are considered observers of life, which is what makes it possible for us to write such lifelike situations.  So what does a romance writer consider romantic?  Is it a man who spends a fortune on their chosen mate? Or is it how they behave every day of the year?   

I didn’t always consider myself an author, so I had to teach myself to be this “observer of life”, and as such, I now pay attention to those subtle behaviors I might have missed before.  For instance, how neat is it to have a man who jumps up from his seat to take something from my hands when I come home, because he knows my back hurts, and the small item can be uncomfortable for me.  Or when he takes my car in to have the tires changed, because he cares that I’m safe.  How about when there’s snow or ice on the road, and his first concern is that I walk carefully, even though I’ve learned long ago ice and I don’t get along, so automatically walk carefully?  Or the man who gets up early to feed the dogs, because he knows I love to cuddle with them when I wake up, instead of having them pounce all over me, begging for food. 

For me, romance isn’t so much the candy, or the flowers, or even that sparkly diamond.  It’s the little things that happen every day. Maybe once I’d have wanted the flowers or candy, but now, I realize it’s  not important for me.  I can thank my writing for that. 

For my valentine’s day, I got my husband back. He’d been away on a business trip, something he does regularly, but he got home Saturday afternoon, slept all day Saturday and was there for me on Valentine’s day.  We spent most of the day sitting side by side, watching the Olympics.  We didn’t share cards, or flowers, or even diamonds.  Instead, we shared companionship.  We shared time.  Both, two of the most rare commodities in our world today. 

So what did you do for your Valentine’s day?  How did you show YOUR love?

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